---- — I teach my sixth-grade students to breathe life into their sentences by using active verbs and concrete nouns. They learn the value of specificity. They come to realize that a satisfying conclusion is every bit as important as a strong lead.
But why then, after penning an engaging narrative about “hooking the big one,” would one of my students decide to title their piece “My Fishing Trip”?
My students learn that a good title is like a mini lead. It can pull the reader in immediately. Or, if the writer isn’t careful, can make the reader discard the piece and turn on the television instead.
I suspect my students too often bail on a title because good ones are hard to come by. Donald Murray, the former Boston Globe columnist and University of New Hampshire English professor wrote, “I would start writing an article by brainstorming 100 to 150 possible titles ... Each title was a window into the draft I might write.”
I’ve tried that method, but it doesn’t work for me. Like many writers, I find out what I want to write by writing. A predetermined title straitjackets me. I prefer to write the entire piece first, and then brace myself for a process that, at best, resembles a session with the dental hygienist.
As my editors over the years at this newspaper can attest, my efforts often fail. Their titles are almost always superior to mine. But now that I’m publishing a collection of my columns in book form, I need a title that will persuade readers to read a bunch of 500-word essays.
Andy Rooney’s book of collected essays is called “Out of My Mind.” Love that. So what if I call mine “A Piece of My Mind”? Nope, because when I Google it, it’s already been taken, more than a few times. How about “Come to Think of It…”? Yeah, that’s a good one. So good, in fact, that the great Daniel Schorr thought of it seven years ago.
Wait, I’ve got it. “The Way I See It.” Too bad Temple Grandin and Melissa Sue Anderson, the actress who played Mary Ingalls on “Little House on the Prairie” snatched that one before I could.
Trying to come up with a similarly themed title is getting me nowhere. But what if I peruse the titles of my selected columns? Pick a funny one, an edgy one, a strange one?
OK, how about “I’m Not as Intelligent as I Thought”? No, that’s stating the obvious. Here’s a fairly recent one: “What’s So Special About Me? Darn Near Everything.” Kind of funny, and dripping with sarcasm. But as I’ve learned by writing a newspaper column, some readers neither understand nor appreciate sarcasm.
Now this might have possibilities: “My Wife Channels Davy Crockett.” Conjures up some interesting visuals, as long as you’re familiar with Davy Crockett.
This is beyond frustrating. I’m ready to wave the white flag, like one of my students, and call it “My Book of Newspaper Columns.”
Until suddenly, flashing like neon on the Las Vegas strip, I find “I Won’t Walk a Mile in Another Man’s Pants.” It’s funny, edgy and OK, I admit it, a little weird.
As a subtitle, I’ll add “and Other Musings on Living, Teaching and Writing.”
Wow, that took a while. But I hope, as Donald Murray once said, my title serves as a “window” into the book I wanted to write.
John Edmondson is a teacher in Hampstead.