October ended on a sad note for local domestic violence organizations, and staff members of A Safe Place still held their annual vigil last week in Portsmouth during a torrential rainstorm.

"My whole staff said raining or not, domestic violence goes on," said Marsie Silvestro, executive director of A Safe Place.

The vigil was especially poignant in the aftermath of two murder-suicides that took place in Londonderry and Manchester in the span of 24 hours two weeks ago.

A Safe Place has three agencies to offer help and resources to victims of domestic violence. In addition to Portsmouth, the organization has offices in Salem and Rochester and operates a shelter.

"Domestic violence has to be everybody's business," Silvestro said.

"The police departments, the schools and the neighbors."

Domestic violence is physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, or financial abuse between present or former intimate partners, according to the New Hampshire Coalition against Domestic and Sexual Violence. Rarely a one-time occurrence, domestic violence usually escalates in frequency and severity over time. Abusers batter to control and dominate their partners.

Silvestro said there has definitely been an increase in domestic violence over the last year because of the economy.

"It rose 42 percent nationally," she said.

A Safe Place and YWCA Crisis Center in Manchester have also seen an increase in clients who maintain a connection with the center for longer periods of time for resources.

"This is most likely because it's been so violent and unsafe in the past couple of weeks," said Carrie Cooley, program direction for the crisis center which has an office in Derry and a shelter called Emily's Place.

"One of the most dangerous times for victims is when an abusive partner loses control when a restraining order has been issued or the abused partner files for divorce," Cooley said.

Melissa Charbonneau of Manchester was in the process of leaving her estranged husband and had recently taken out a restraining order against him.

"It is critical that victims have a safety plan," Cooley said.

Domestic violence can happen anywhere to anyone. Neighbors of Suzanne Vernet in Londonderry may be asking themselves how something like this can happen in their picturesque neighborhood.

"Domestic violence crosses all income and socioeconomic status," said Louise Morin-Davy, director of child, adolescent and family services at the Center for Life Management in Derry.

"In fact, people in higher income brackets can hide it better They may have more connections with people who can support them and can afford to pay for an hotel, as opposed to a shelter when things turn bad."

The Derry Family Division of the Rockingham County Superior Court has had 259 petitions for retraining orders filed since Jan. 1. These include emergency restraining orders filed at the police station during non-court hours and those that were not granted. The division includes Derry, Auburn, Candia, Chester, Londonderry, and Sandown.

Children who witness domestic violence need support

Support is needed for the children who witnessed these traumatic events. In both recent cases, the children involved have lost both of their parents.

Statistics show 15.5 million children in the United States live in families in which partner violence occurred at least once in the past year, and seven million children live in families in which severe partner violence occurred, according to the N.H. Coalition against Domestic and Sexual Violence.

There are signs that may indicate domestic violence that schools and friends' parents may notice.

"The kids get startled by noise more easily than other kids," said Morin-Davy of CLM.

"A canned food may hit the floor, for instance, and they jump, or they react to raised voices."

The children may be absent from school a lot, have frequent unexplainable injuries or complain of stomachaches and headaches.

"They may want to hang out at their friends' homes for longer periods of time," said Morin-Davy.

"Kids exposed to a lot of arguing, go to violent movies and engage in violent play. This is a red flag for us as clinicians."

Morin-Davy said that if someone suspects domestic violence in the home of a friend of their child — and knows the other parent suspected of being abused — he or she should approach that parent gently and let them know that there are organizations like the Crisis Center and A Safe Place that will help them.

Morin-Davy said that the Center for Life Management and all mental health centers in the state have been trained in specific trauma-focus cognitive behavioral therapy.

"This modality involves the parent being abused as well," Morin-Davy said.

"Eighty percent of the clients that have gone through this therapy recover from trauma."

Men can be victims, too

While 95 percent of the abuse reported is from female victims, men can be abused as well.

"In 2008, we had five men who came to us," Silvestri said.

"So far this year, we've had 50 men seeking help. Some were men living with men, but that number is minimal."

Twenty-four percent of men in a 2009 survey, based on telephone interviews with 1,012 randomly selected men by the Coalition on Domestic and Sexual ViolenceÔÉ¢reported having been physically assaulted by an intimate partner, defined as a current spouse, ex-spouse, live-in partner or someone the victim was dating. Based on the survey it is estimated that at least 118,908 men in the Granite State have been physically assaulted by an intimate partner.

Domestic Violence Resources

Statewide Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-866-644-3574

A Safe Place Hotline: 1-800-854-3552

YWCA Crisis Service: Hotline: 668-2299

YWCA Crisis Center, Derry (appointments only) 432-2687

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